By the time Chantal arrived upstairs, Wade had already laid Michelle down and was sitting on the chair in the corner of the room.

Shaking her head at him, Chantal walked over and sat on the edge of the bed beside Michelle.

"Are you breathing any better?"

Still unable to speak, she slightly nodded her head 'yes'.

"That's good. I'm gonna lay these icepacks on you. They should help bring the swelling down."

Reaching out, Michelle took a hold of Chantal's hand, trying to let her know that she appreciated everything she was doing.

After she was done, she turned and shot Wade a look that, if it was possible, would have killed him on the spot.

"Ok. I'll be back up in a few minutes. I need to talk to Wade" she said, as she squeezed Michelle's hand and stood up.

As Chantal walked toward the door, Wade stood up and followed after her, not making eye contact with Michelle even for a second.

The two were silent ,as they headed down the stairs and into the livingroom.

Continuing her momentum, Chantal walked toward the kitchen and Wade plopped himself down on the sofa.

Hearing him sigh as he sat down, she quickly turned around and began to tear into him.

"Ok. Please tell me what the hell is going on, and I don't want some half-ass story either Wade!"

Leaning forward, he placed his head in his hands and remained silent.

He wasn't sure what was happening himself.

How was he susposed to explain it to her.

"Wade!" Chantal called out 

""What?" he asked, looking up to see the look of anger and disapointment on her face.

"You know what! What the hell is going on?!"

"Chantal, I honestly don't know."

"How can you not know? Please tell me that." she said, as his reluctance to divuldge any information was quickly growing old.

Glancing over at the empty liquor bottle on the floor where she was laying, he got up and went over to pick it up.

Chantal watched him curiously, as he studied the bottle before tossing it in the garbage.

Without saying a word, he walked past his sister and out onto the balcony.

"Wade, please tell me what's going on. Whatever it is, I'll help you." she said, as she walked out to join him.

"I'm losing it Chantal. I really am. I'm losing control of what's going on....I'm losing my mind and I'm about to lose Michelle."

"We can fix this. Just tell me what is going on. Why did you do that to her?"

"It's such a long story. I don't even know where to begin. God help me, but this isn't the first time I have done shit like this to her."

"Oh my god Wade.....please tell me you aren't serious." Chantal said, as she felt her heart sink in her chest.

"I wish I could say it wasn't true....but.... it is." he said, as he sat down on one of the chairs.

"Why? Why are you doing this to her. What could she have possibly done to make you want to hurt her?" she asked, growing upset.

"That's just it. She really hasn't done anything. It's my fault. I'm responsible"

"What do you mean?" she asked, as she took a seat next to him.

"She told me I acted different, and I didn't listen."

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing. I'm talking to myself. Look, I need to get out of here for awhile. Can you keep an eye on her until I get back?"

"Where are you going?" Chantal asked, as she watched her brother get up and walk back into the house.

"I just need to think and I can't do it here. Can you?"

"Yeah...I can, but this isn't the end of this discussion Wade. I want to know what's going on and your going to tell me."

With those final words said, Wade grabbed Michelle's keys and walked out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chantal had been upstairs a few times to check on Michelle while Wade was gone.

She wanted to try and see what information she could get from Michelle, but given the condition she was in, she decided against it.

Wade would have to be home soon and she would find out from him.

There was no way she was leaving until she knew the whole story.

Finally after almost three hours, he arrived back home.

"Jesus christ Wade. Where did you go?"

"I need help Chantal. You have to help me get through this." Wade said, as he sat down on the sofa and broke down.

The next few hours, Wade proceeded to tell Chantal everthing.

Everything from the moment he first met her at the club to the events that unfolded earlier today.

In shock, Chantal sat there and tried to take it all in.

She just couldn't believe everything that happened in such a short period of time, but as the information slowly came out, it was easy to piece together the problem.

Whether he was ready to admit it or not, Wade had developed a drinking problem.

He tried to convince himself that drinking relaxed him and helped him to deal with everything that was going on.

It was understandable that he was under a large amount of stress, but obviously that choice was only adding to his stress.

Alcohol had brought out the worst in him and he had finally accepted the fact that he needed help.

He was ready to take the first step to overcome his addiction, if not for himself.....for Michelle.

He knew she deserved so much better and he couldn't help but wonder why she was still around.

Then almost as if he flashed back in time, he recalled telling her that she belonged to him and that he would never let her leave.

Now on top of everything else that was going on, he had to face the fact that he may have already lost her.

Without any threats to keep her by his side, she would finally have the opportunity to move on with her life and find someone who would love her the way she needed to be loved.

"Wade, I asked you a question." Chantal said, breaking him from his train of thought.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?" he said, as he leaned back heavily into the sofa.

"Are you going to go see someone before you leave town?"

"Yeah, I'll call first thing tomorrow morning and see what I can arrange."

"Good. You know your making the right decision, don't you?"

"Yeah....I do. I think this should have been done along time ago."

"Are you going to talk to Michelle about this?" Chantal asked, as she turned sideways to face her brother. 

"No. I think it would be best to just do this on my own. She doesn't need to deal with anything else, especially now."

"Do you really think that's the best choice. I think you should tell her."

"I can't. I don't want her to be involved in this. I need to do this on my own."

"Well, I'm here for you if you need anything. I know you can do this." Chantal said, as she placed her hand over his.

"I just hope it isn't too late." Wade said, as he glanced over toward the stairs.

"Are you two going to be ok here or do you want me to stay?"

"I'm not going to hurt her if that's what you mean." Wade said, standing up and walking into the kitchen.

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"As long as she's ok with staying here, we'll be fine."

"I'm going to go up and check on her before I leave. I'll make sure she's ok staying here. If not, I'll change my plans and stick around, if that's ok with you."

"That's fine. Whatever she wants." Wade said, as walked into the kitchen.

Opening up his liquor cabinet, he grabbed the bottles out and placed them on the counter.

"Can you take these with you when you leave?"

"Absolutely." she replied and then proceeded to walk towards the stairs.

"Are you coming up?

Letting out a heavy sigh, he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"No. Go ahead. I'm just not ready yet."

"Wade, you can't leave her up there alone all night. You need to get it together."

Dropping his head back, he glanced up at the ceiling.

"You can do this. You can do this." he said to himself, as he walked to join his sister at the bottom of the stairs.

"You'll be fine. Now c'mon."

Following his sister, he walked up the stairs and into his bedroom.

Taking his stance in the doorway, he rested his chin on his hand and watched as Michelle looked up at Chantal.

"Hey, how are you doing?" 

"Ok." she managed to say softly.

"Good, but don't try to talk just yet. Give it some time."

Michelle nodded her head in agreement and looked up at Wade.

Immeadiately, he turned and looked away.

He couldn't stand to look her in the eyes and know he was responsible for the pain she was in.

"Are you going to be ok here with him if I leave?" 

Feeling her gaze still on him, Wade shut his eyes momentarily before turning back to look at her.

Seeing the hurt in his eyes, she nodded her head 'yes'.

"Are you sure, because if not I can stay."

Reaching down, she took a hold of Chantal's hand and shook her head 'no'.

"I'm.........fine." she said, this time even softer. 

Shaking her head, Chantal turned to look at Wade.

"Ok, I'm taking off then. I'll stop by tomorrow to see how things are going."

"Thanks. I'll walk you out." Wade said, as he turned and walked out the door.

"Wade, pull yourself together. This isn't helping her." Chantal said, as they walked down the stairs.

"I know." 

"You can't avoid her." Chantal said, as she walked into the kitchen and grabbed the liquor bottles off the counter.

"I'm not going to avoid her. It's just.....hard."

"I know, but you don't have a choice. Look, I have to run, but I'll be by tomorrow."

"Ok. Thanks for your help sis."

"Don't mention it. Just get yourself back on track."

"I will....trust me." Wade said, as he opened the front door for her.

"Night bro. Take care of her.....and yourself."

"I will."

Once she backed out of the driveway, he shut the door and glanced over to the stairs.

"You have to do this. Don't let her down again." he said to himself, before taking a deep breath and heading upstairs.

CHAPTER 42

As he slowly walked back up the stairs, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

He tried taking deep breaths to calm himself, but it was only making things worse.

He dreaded walking back in there alone and facing her.

There were so many things he wanted to say to her.

So many things he needed to make right, but he just couldn't do it. Not yet.

He wasn't ready.

Shaking his head, he turned around and walked back down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Stressed out, he immeadiately walked into the kitchen and over to his liquor cabinet.

When he was one step away from the cabinet, he remembered giving the bottles of liquor to Chantal.

"Get it together Wade. It's only been 5 minutes and your already losing it." he said to himself, as he walked into the livingroom.

Pacing back and forth, he stared at the stairs knowing what he had to do.

"You need to go up there. Stop stalling and be a fuckin man for once in your life. Take some responsibility."

Dropping his hands to his sides, he shook them out repeatedly.

"Ok, I can do this."

After a brief pause, he pulled himself together and headed back up the stairs.

He was a nervous wreck and he couldn't help but wonder how she must have felt all those times he had hurt her.

The fear she felt when he yelled and lashed out at her.

The pain she felt when he hit and abused her.

The hurt she must have felt thinking he didn't love her the way she loved him.

Letting out one last deep breath, he walked down the hall and into his room.

His heart was beating so loud that he swore she had to of heard it.

He stood there speechless and stared at her battered body, knowing he was responsible for every mark on her.

Fighting back tears, he said the only thing that came to mind.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry." he said, as he moved closer to the bed.

A single tear fell down her cheek and then she turned and looked away.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to fight back the intense feeling that someone had just stuck a knife deep in his heart.

"God Michelle, please look at me." he said, as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

Placing her hand over her eyes, she started crying.

She just couldn't take it anymore.

She had loved him with every ounce of herself and it just never seemed to be enough.

She would never be the girl he wanted and she was tired of trying.

Tired of living a lie.

He didn't love her....she had to know that now.

She had to face the reality that she was nothing more than another notch on his belt.

To think that he was her first only made things worse.

She thought with all her heart that he was the one.

From the first time they danced, she felt something.

Something unexplainable, but obviously what she felt was wrong.

"Baby, look at me." he said, as he walked around to the other side of the bed.

Leaving her hand in place, she shook her head 'no' and turned away yet again.

His eyes were fixated on the marks now adorning her neck and he just couldn't understand how he had got to that point.

He had basically came within seconds of ending her life and that scared him to death.

Now right before his eyes, he watched her completely withdraw from him and it tore him up inside.

"I don't want to go, but if you want me to leave I will. Is that what you want?" he asked, as walked back around to the other side of the bed.

Softly through her muffled cries, she told him 'yes'.

Pulling one of his hands out of his pocket, he ran his fingers through his hair and then walked out.

It was out of his hands.

There was nothing more he could do except wait for her to make the move.

A position he wasn't used to being in, but nonetheless he was there.

It was now all up to her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few hours he stayed downstairs and tried to immerse himself in his work.

It was the only thing he had left to try and keep his mind off of her.

Unfortunetly, it only worked for awhile.

He needed to put some distance between them in order to give her a chance to heal both physcially and emotionally.

Grabbing the phone, he called his assistant and informed her that he would need different travel arrangements for the video shoot.

He thought it would be in the best interest of both of them if he left as soon as possible.

He couldn't take being around her and she undoubtedly felt the same after what he put her through.

After some thirty minutes, his assistant called him back and informed him that they were able to change his schedule.

Instead of leaving friday afternoon, he would be leaving first thing tomorrow morning on a flight headed to NY.

Recalling that Chantal was susposed to stop over tomorrow to check up on them, he knew he needed to call her and tell her what was going on.

Dialing the number to her cell phone, it rang three times and then she picked it up.

"Hey Wade. Is everything ok?"

"Was that a serious question?" he asked, sarcastically.

"What's going on?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving for NY first thing tomorrow morning."

"Tomorrow? I thought you weren't leaving until friday?"

"I know. I just need to get out of here for awhile so I changed flights."

"What about Michelle? You can't just leave her there alone."

"The last thing she needs is me around. She won't even look at me. What do I possibly have to offer her right now?" he asked.

"What about calling tomorrow to get some help? Are you not going to do that now?"

"I'll call when I get back. I seriously can't stay here another day. You know, I already headed to the god damn liquor cabinet Chantal and it was only five minutes after you left! What the fuck is wrong with me!"

"You need help. You know that and you need to do something about it now, before it's too late."

"I can try and see if someone will see me today, but I highly doubt that's a possibility."

"You would be surprised. Make some calls and I'll touch base with you later on this evening."

"I'll do my best."

"Good. Do you want me to stop by and check on her tomorrow?"

"I'd appreciate it sis. Thanks."

"No problem. You know, things will get better Wade."

"I'd like to believe that, but honestly, all I want is to keep her in my life and I don't think that is a possibility anymore."

"You know, you said this wasn't the first time you hurt her and yet she's still there. Either she isn't as smart as I thought she was or she loves you more than you know."

Wade was silent as Chantal's words echoed through his head.

God, he hoped that she still loved him.

He was going to make things right with her, all she needed to do was give him a chance.

"Wade, are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here. Sorry. Look...... I'm going to go."

"Ok. Remember if you need anything, I'm here." Chantal said, sympathetically

"I know. I'll talk to you later."

"Ok. Bye." 

Wade sat the phone down on his desk and leaned back in his chair.

He had already packed for his trip to NY, but now that he was staying a few extra days, he needed to do some more packing.

Pushing himself out of his chair, he turned the lights off in his office and walked down the hall.

As he walked up the stairs to his bedroom, he caught sight of Michelle curled up in the corner of the sofa.

He stopped and debated on whether he should go and try to talk to her, but deep down he knew that if she wanted to talk to him, she would have come and found him.

Unfortunetly, that just wasn't the case.

She made no attempt to try and find him and that alone spoke for itself.

She didn't want anything to do with him.....atleast not now.

Slowly, he continued to walk up the stairs to finish his packing.

He had vowed to himself that his trip to NY would be a new beginning for him.

In a matter of hours, he would be on a flight headed for NY and hopefully she would be able to start healing.

He just hoped that when he got back, they could work on putting the past behind them and move forward......together.

CHAPTER 43

Wade was packing the last of his things in his bag, when Michelle walked up the stairs and into the bedroom.

"I thought you were already packed?" she asked him, her voice still soft and weak.

Startled, he spun around and saw her standing in the doorway.

"Yeah. I was packed but I decided to leave for NY tomorrow instead of friday so I needed a few more things. Besides, I think it's for the best." he said, as he zipped his bag and tossed it on the chair.

"When are you coming back?" she asked, as she walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Ten days from now."

"You know, I just wanted you to know that I loved you. I mean really loved you. I thought you were the one." she said, as tears formed in her eyes.

Confused, he stood there and watch her nervously play with her watch band.

"Loved? As in once before, but no longer?"

She was speechless

As much as she wanted to tell him that was the case, deep down she knew it wasn't.

She would at some level always love him.

He had captured a part of her that she couldn't deny no matter how hard she tried.

"Are you telling me this is over? That there isn't a chance for us anymore?"

"I know now that you never felt the same way about me as I felt about you."

"God, you are so wrong. I have never felt anything like what I feel for you." he said, as he walked toward her. 

"I think that's part of the problem. I'm so scared that I'm going to wake up one day and you'll be gone. I have been going out of my mind trying to keep you by my side and all I did was hurt you and push you away, but you have to believe me when I say I do love you."

As much as she wanted to believe him, she couldn't.

She had followed her heart one too many times and it never turned out to be the right choice.

Now, she would have to listen to what her brain had been telling her since the first time he laid a hand on her....end the relationship.

"You say you love me and I may be slightly naive but I know love shouldn't feel like this." she said, as she began to cry. 

"Look, I know I have no right asking you to do anything for me, but please don't make any decisions until I get back."

"I don't understand what difference it will make."

"Michelle please." he said, as he knelt down in front of her.

She hated herself for allowing him to have captured a part of her heart.

A part that no matter how many times her hurt her still held out hope that he would change.

"I can't guarantee anything Wade. I just can't." she said.

"I understand, but please just give me until I get back. If things are going to end, I don't want them ending like this. That's all I am asking."

Torn apart by the look of sadness in his eyes, she again let him get the best of her.

"Fine. I'll wait until you get back."

Thankful that she was giving him an opportunity to turn his life around, he stood up and leaned forward to gently placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Thank you. That's all I wanted." he said softly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the day, the two had minimal contact with each other.

Wade had spent most of the time in his office gathering up the rest of the paperwork that needed attended to and figuring out the first step to turning his life around.

Slightly leary of the whole "AA" thing, he opted to call his regular doctor and get a perscription for something that would help him deal with his stress and anxiety.

That after all, was the main reason he turned to alcohol in the first place.

If he had other means to deal with his stress, the rest should surely fall into place.

More than once he thought of talking to Michelle about what was going on with him, but every time he decided against it.

"Wade, the last thing she needs is you laying your problems on her." he said to himself, as he gathered up his things and headed out the door.

As he walked into the livingroom, the irony of his comment sunk in. 

"How pathetic was that! I forced her to deal with my problems everytime I laid my hands on her." he said to himself, as he tossed the papers onto the table.

Just saying that statement out loud instantly brought a realism to it all.

Almost as if he never truly accepted it before, but it was out there now and it was a reality.

He had a problem and because of him, she endured an immeasurable amount of suffering that no one should ever have to go through.

Yet she did, over and over again.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to force that reality far from his mind.

Unfortunetly, without the presence of alcohol to drowned out his thoughts, the horrible memories quickly began to flood his mind.

Memories of the torture and torment he put her through, time and time again. 

Memories of the countless times she cried because of pain he inflicted on her.

Again he tried to shake the thoughts as he walked out on the balcony hoping the fresh air would do him some good.

Unfortunelty, that too was useless.

The terrified sound of her voice slowly began to echo in his mind, as he recalled the numerous times she begged him to stop.

It was like a sensory overload of everything he had ever done to her and he couldn't handle it.

Knowing he was on the verge of losing his mind, he grabbed Michelle's keys and without telling her he was leaving, he walked out the door.

He drove around Los Angeles for a good twenty minutes before he found himself in the parking lot of a nearby liquor store.

Staring at the door, he knew it was the last place he needed to be, but he also knew that it was the one place that could free him from the haunting images now embeded in his mind.

He needed to escape the prison that those memories now held him in.

Until he was free from those images, he couldn't go back home and look at her.

Only after a brief hesitation, he opened the car door and headed inside.

After a few minutes, he exited the store and headed back to her car carrying a brown paper bag.

As he sat in the parking lot, he stared at the bottle laying next to him on the passenger seat.

It was now a matter of will power.

Deep within himself, a battle began for control of what was going to happen next.

His heart told him to throw the bottle out and return home to be by her side, but the powerful images lingering in his head refused to let that happen.

They demanded to be dealt with and the only way he knew how to was to drink them away.

Finally giving in, he grabbed the bottle and twisted off the cap.

Immeadiately, he gulped down several mouthfuls before placing the cap back on and starting the car.

He knew it would only be a matter of time before he was numb to the feelings the images forced him to feel.

As he drove away, he grabbed the bottle and continued to consume the contents.

Every mouthful he took slowly faded away the images in his mind until they no longer existed.

Finally..... he was free.

Free from having to deal with the pain he knew he caused her.

Pain.

Pain, he had caused her....... by drinking.

Almost instantaneously, the reality of what he had just done hit him.

He was susposed to get his life together and stop the dependency he had developed with alcohol.

Yet here he was with his trusty liquor bottle by his side.

Furious with himself, he pulled the car over to the side of the road and got out, slamming the door behind him.

Opening the passenger side door, he grabbed the bottle off the seat and letting out a scream, he threw it as far as he could.

In tears, he walked back around the front of the car and slowly got inside.

Never in his life had he felt so out of control......so helplesss.

Resting his head against the steering wheel, he prayed that he would somehow find the strength to conquer his obvious addiction once and for all.

CHAPTER 44

As Wade sat in his car, he realized there was absolutely no way he could go home now.

He knew that with his track record, something could go terribly wrong and he would never forgive himself if he let that happen.

He would have to stay gone until he was certain that every trace of alcohol was out of his system.

That was the only way he could guarantee that she would be safe.

Problem was, he didn't know exactly where that was.

As he pulled back onto the road, he racked his brain on where he could go.

He thought of going to Chantal's apartment, but if she saw he had been drinking, it would be all over for him.

That much, he was certain.

As he continued to think of where he could go, the sight of Michelle's keys dangling from the ignition caught his eye.

"Perfect." he said to himself.

After a quick change of direction, he headed towards Michelle's place.

As Wade pulled up to her apartment, the effects from consuming such a large amount of liquor in such a short time were starting to take hold.

Parking her car out front, he made his way up the stairs and to the front door of her apartment, but barely.

All he wanted to do was go inside and lay down.

To just let the effects of the alcohol wear off so that he could go back home.

He didn't want her to ever have to see him like that again.

Fumbling with her keys, he finally found the right one and let himself inside.

As he flicked on the light, he instantly got hit with a flashback from the last time they had been there.

Trying not to deal with anything other than sobering up, he turned the light back off and made his way over to the sofa.

Alone, he sat in the dark with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company. 

Thoughts that one day, things would be like they were before.

Where she would never have to worry that he would hurt her.

Back to the way things were when she longed to be near him and in his arms.

He wanted that more than anything.

Shutting his eyes, he let those thoughts comfort him and he slowly drifted off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Having been out cold for over an hour, he finally awoke to the sound of knocking on the door.

Momentarily confused by his surroundings, he turned on the lights and tried to pull himself together.

Shaking his head, he staggered his way over to the door, knocking his cell phone to the floor in the process.

He couldn't remember a time that he had felt this drunk.

He hadn't even had that much to drink, but he was thankful he had enough presence of mind to not go home.

There was no telling what could have happened if he did.

Finally managing to unlock the door, he pulled it open and was shocked at who was standing on the other side.

"Where's Michelle? I saw her car out front so don't tell me she isn't here." Marty said, as he stood there with his arms crossed.

"Man, she isn't here and I'm not going to deal with you right now." Wade said, as he attempted to shut the door.

"Whoa...wait a minute. I don't think you have a choice." Marty said, as he put his foot in the door to block Wade from closing it.

"Why would you be here and she wouldn't? That just doesn't make much sense now, does it? I mean, this is her apartment."

Wade was having a hard enough time just standing up straight, let alone be in any shape or mood to deal with Marty.

"Look, I said she isn't here and she isn't. Now get the fuck out of here! I'm not going to tell you again."

Marty laughed, as Wade tried to keep his balance.

"You know, I don't really think you are in any shape to make threats Wade."

"Man, fuck you! What don't you understand! I told you she isn't here!" Wade said, growing completely annoyed.

"We'll see." Marty said, as he shoved the door open and forced his way past Wade.

That was the last straw.

Wade had enough.

Grabbing onto Marty's shoulder, he pulled him back and spun him around.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?!"

"What does it look like I am doing. I'm looking for Michelle. You don't actually think I believe she isn't here, do you?"

"You know, I should have known from the beginning that you had a thing for her, you fucking prick."

"What the hell is that susposed to mean?"

"You came over here hoping to hook up with her, didn't you? You though she would be here....alone."

"You would like to think something like that, wouldn't you? Then it would be easier for you to hit her, huh?"

"You know, I don't need a reason to hit her." Wade said, matter of factly.

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he about died.

He couldn't belive he had actually just said that.

What the hell was he thinking.

"Oh really? Isn't this how you like to do it. Hit people when they can't defend themselves?" Marty asked.

Appaulled, Marty looked Wade square in the eyes and punched him in the face as hard as he could.

Instantly, Wade went down.

"Your fuckin dead!" Wade said, as he struggled to get back to his feet.

Wade was always known for being able to go the distance in a fight, but when he was drunk it was a different story.

Now he was about to feel what it was like to be on the other end.

As Wade finally made it back to his feet Marty stood there and stared him down.

"Go ahead, take your best shot!" 

Not wasting a second or the opportunity, Wade swung at Marty.

Loving every second of what he was going to do, Marty ducked out of the way and again hit Wade, knocking him to the floor.

"C'mon Wade, get up and fight! Pretend I'm Michelle. We both know how much you love to hit her."

Wade quickly stood up and lunged at Marty.

Just hearing him say her name set him off.

As Marty fell backwards, Wade jumped on top of him.

Wade managed to get in a few punches, but Marty quickly shoved him off and resumed the upper hand.

Looking around, Marty now felt confident that Michelle wasn't in the apartment.

If she had been, she would have surely come out to find out what the commotion was.

And since she wasn't, it was just a matter of finishing Wade off.

There was no way in hell he was going to miss this opportunity to put Wade in his place.

"This is for every fuckin time you hurt her!" Marty said, kicking Wade in the ribs as he tried to get to his feet.

"I swear to god, if you ever touch her again, you won't live to see another day."

Wade clutched his ribs as he tried to pull himself up, but Marty wasn't going to let up and again he kicked himas hard as he could, knocking him back down to the floor.

Marty wasn't the violent type by any means, but he also felt that Wade had it coming.

In his book, it was never ok to hit a woman.

If you did, there was a price to pay. 

Marty was determined to make sure that Wade paid that price.

Buckled over in pain, Wade tried to crawl his way over to the sofa.

Marty stood there and watched, as Wade fought with everything he had to get up.

It was obvious that he had done a number on Wade, but at the same time he didn't feel bad about it.

He couldn't.

He knew that Wade didn't show any compassion or remorse when he hit Michelle and he wasn't about to either.

"Do yousrelf a favor Wade and stay down, because everytime I look at you, I remember what you did to her."

Wade continued to try and pull himself up, completely unaware of Marty's warning.

Mentally, he had blocked out everything around him but the pain that was coursing through his body.

When Wade reached the sofa, he reached up and tried to pull himself up but again Marty countered with one last kick and Wade was down.

This time for good.

Marty stood next to Wade and listened as he struggled to catch his breath.

"Not so tough anymore, are you?"

"Remember this the next time you think of laying a hand on her."

Stepping over his body, Marty spotted Wade's cell phone on the floor by the end table. 

"You know, you don't look so good. Maybe you should call someone." he snickered, as he kicked the phone at him.

Only slightly flinching from the force of the cell phone hitting his side, Wade continued to remain relative still on the floor.

"See you around asshole." Marty said and he walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

CHAPTER 45

As Wade laid in pain on the floor, he couldn't help but realize that this is what he had been doing to Michelle all this time.

He recalled not that long ago that he had went off on a rage and did the exact same thing.

They were at Justin's party when he had that first confrontation with Marty.

She had managed to get the upper hand when she got out of his truck, but he knew he would meet up with her later.

And he did at her apartment.

It was that night that he had hurt her.......bad.

He even remembered kicking her as Marty had just done him only moments ago.

God, he hated himself.

How he could do that to her was beyond him.

He loved her.

He never felt like this about any other girl and he couldn't help but think that she had to be "the one".

Finally managing to sit up, he grabbed his cell phone and scooted back against the sofa.

He wanted to go home.

He knew he still wasn't completely sober and he didn't want to risk wrecking Michelle's car, so he decided to call Chantal.

The lectures and now twenty questions from her on what the hell happened to him aside.

He didn't want to wait another second to tell Michelle everything he was feeling.

He would make things right again......he had to

If she walked out of his life, he would never forgive himself.

It was a thought he didn't want to think about.

Whatever he needed to do to make it up to her, he would.

Turning his phone on, he dialed the number to Chantal's apartment.

After a few rings, her answering machine picked up.

He thought of leaving a message but decided it would be better to try and reach her on her cell phone.

She always had it with her when she went out, so that was a safe bet.

Ending the call, he dialed the number to her cell phone.

Finally after several rings, she picked it up.

"Hey you. What's up?" Chantal said, laughing.

"Where are you at?" he asked, noticing all the noise in the background.

"A club. Me and a few friends decided we needed a girls night out."

"Oh." he said, realizing that Chantal was probably no better off than he was.

"Why, what's up?"

"Have you been drinking for awhile?" he asked, thinking that they may have just gotten there.

"Yeah I have." she chuckled. "Is it that obvious?" 

"Sorta."

"That reminds me. Hold on."

In the background, he heard her yelling to someone to get her another drink and he knew that he was on his own.

"Well, you still haven't told me why you called. Is everything ok with Michelle?"

"Yeah, she's fine. Look, it wasn't important. I'll talk to you tomorrow before I leave."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah.......I'm...sure." he struggled to say, as he wrapped his arm around his ribs and stood up.

"What's wrong with you? Are you sure everything is alright? Do you want me to come over?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm not home anyway." he said, as he staggered over to the sofa to grab his keys.

"Your not? Where are you?" she asked, shocked that he wasn't at home keeping an eye on Michelle.

"Out."

"Wade, don't give me those short half ass answers. You know how much I hate those." 

"Look, I went for a ride. I just needed to clear my head."

"When are you going back home? You know you shouldn't have left her there alone."

"I know. I'm heading back now. Go have fun and I'll catch you tomorrow."

She hated it when he took control of the conversation.

He always did it too.

Ever since they were kids.

"Fine, but you know how to reach me if you need anything."

"I know. I'll talk to you later."

Ending the call with Chantal, he shoved his phone into his pocket and slowly made his way to the door.

He would have to get himself home, that's all there was to it.

As he made his way down the stairs to her car, the pain slowly started to fade.

He wasn't sure if the pain was actually subsiding or if it just seemed that way.

Either way, he didn't care.

He was just happy to be able to move.

Carefully, he grabbed his side and lowered himself into her car.

Shutting the door, he started the car and headed back home to be by her side.

A place he realized tonight that he wanted to be for the rest of his life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Noticing that Wade had become rather quiet, Michelle made her way downstairs to check things out.

She wasn't sure why she even cared what the hell he was doing, but she did.

The only way she could explain it, was to chock it up to one of those crazy things love made you do.

As much as she tried to hate him, to despise him for everything he had done to her and put her through....she couldn't.

She knew it wasn't healthy, but she didn't know how to stop loving him either.

When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she noticed that everything was quiet.....a little too quiet.

"Wade?" she called, as she headed down the hall to the studio, but quickly she noticed that everything was dark.

He wasn't there.

Walking over to the front window, she noticed that her car was gone.

"Why didn't he tell me he was leaving? Where the hell did he go?" 

Walking into the kitchen, she grabbed the phone of the counter and dialed the number to his cell.

After a few rings, it kicked into his voicemail.

That alone, surprised her and caught her completely off guard.

If he was on the other line, he would have clicked over.

The only way it would kick into voicemail, is if he had turned his phone off.

Something she had never seen him do.......ever.

Immeadiately, she began to panic.

Something wasn't right, she could feel it.

Walking down the hall to his office, she wondered if he kept personal numbers in his address book on his desk.

She knew her best bet would be to try and call Chantal and see if she had heard from him.

If anyone had, it would be her.

Flicking on the light, she sat down in his chair and quickly began to scan through his book looking for her number.

After about five minutes, she realized that just about every contact in there was business related.

Without anyone she could call and no car to head out to look for him, she was forced to wait it out and hope that everything was ok.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Wade made his way back home, he couldn't help but feel nervous about laying it all on the line for her.

If he told her he was going to get help and that he loved her more than anything.....would it make a difference?

Would she think twice about leaving him?

She said she wouldn't make a decision until he returned from NY, but he also knew that was more than likely a technicality.

A common courtesy so to speak, so that when she did in fact end things between them, there would be closure.

Because deep down, he felt that her decision had already been made.

He just wanted to and get that extra time to try and change her mind.

As he pulled into the driveway, he looked up and saw the soft glow of the TV in the window and was thankful that she was still awake.

Walking up to the front door, his nerves started to get the best of him.

Could he actually go in there and tell her what was going on or would he cop out at the last second.

The only way to know was to walk through that front door and find out.

Unlocking the door, he slowly opened it and walked inside.

There she was, curled up with a blanket in the corner of the sofa sound asleep.

Quietly, he shut the door behind him and stood there for a second just looking at her.

"I'll fix this, I promise you." he said softly and then headed towards her.

As he moved closer, he saw that both phones were sitting beside her.

He wasn't quiet sure what the deal was with that at first and then he remembered that he didn't even tell her he was leaving.

She must have been worried and either tried to call him or was waiting for him to call.

He had done something to her without even realizing it and guilt instantly washed over him.

No matter what it was, he just always did the wrong thing.

Pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, he sat it down on the table along with his keys.

He wanted to wake her up and tell her everything, but just by looking at her he knew she was exhausted.

He knew what she needed was rest and he was determined to do the right thing.

Pulling the blanket down, he bent over and scooped her up in his arms.

"Wade?"

"Yeah. It's me."

"Where we....." she started to say, but he cut her off.

"Shhhhh. We'll talk tomorrow. You need to get some sleep."

Knowing that he was right, she wrapped her arm around his neck and laid her head back down against his chest.

Toughing out the pain that ripped through him, he carried Michelle upstairs to his bedroom.

Once inside, he gently laid her down on the bed and covered her up.

She was so helpless and innocent.

So undeserving of everthing he put her though and he couldn't help but feel selfish for wanting her to stay with him.

She deserved so much better, but he also knew he could give her what she needed if given another opportunity.

Sighing heavily, he placed a kiss on her forehead and then walked out the door.

A few minutes later, he came back into the room and crawled into bed beside her.

Wrapping his arm around her waist, he pulled her close to him.

Just the feel of her beside him was amazing.

The warmth of her body, the sweet smell of her perfume.....all of it completely intoxicating. 

Burrowing his face against the back of her neck, he softly whispered 'I love you' to her and then closed his eyes and fell asleep.
 

CHAPTER 46

As Wade whispered that he loved her, she opened her eyes and tried to fight back the tears.

In her heart, she knew that this would be the last time she shared his bed.

Feeling the warmth of his body against her back, she squeezed her eyes shut and allowed a few tears to fall to her pillow.

As much as she tried to avoid it, the fact remained the same.

She had to end the relationship.

He was out of control and his recent outburst only proved to her that he was very capable of taking her life.

She was given a second chance and she wasn't about to take that for granted.

Somewhere out there was someone who would love her and cherish her like she knew she deserved.

It was just going to be hard accepting the fact that Wade wasn't that person.

She really thought he was the one.

She would have never given herself to him that first time if she thought otherwise.

Failing miserably at fighting back the tears, she broke down and started to cry.

Almost as soon as she started, Wade woke up.

Pushing himself up onto his arm, he leaned over her.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you ok?"

Hearing the concern in his voice only reminded her of their first time.

The gentle way, he talked her through it and held her after.

It was too much.

She just couldn't handle it any more.

She needed to get away from him.

"Wade please don't. Just don't touch me...don't talk to me. I.....I.....can't take this anymore."

Hurt by her comments, Wade removed his arm from her waist and backed away from her.

"I'm sorry. I just..........never mind." he said, as he leaned back against the headboard.

He knew there wasn't anything he could say or do that would turn back the hands of time.

As much as he wanted to, what was done....was done.

There was no going back.

All he could do was pick up the shattered pieces of what was left of their life together and try to make things right.

"I can make things right if you'll give me the chance." 

Pushing the covers to the bottom of the bed, she lowered her feet to the floor and stood up.

"You can't fix this Wade. Sure, you can change how you act , but you will never be able to erase the nightmares that haunt my mind everytime I look at you. Don't you understand that?!"

He didn't know what to say.

She was right.

He hated to admit it but he saw the difference in her, he had for awhile. The look of uncertainty and fear in her eyes everytime she looked at him.

He just didn't want to accept the fact that he was the cause.

The innocent playfulness she went about life with was one of the things that had immeadiately drawn him to her and now it was gone.

He may not have physcially ended her life, but he had ended the very essence of who Michelle was.

"I know that things have been bad, and I've fucked up royally. But I can make it better. You just have to give me the chance." he pleaded.

Michelle sighed and looked to the floor. 

"But you can't take away the dreams, Wade. No matter what you do, you can't take that away. I don't feel safe around you. You almost killed me tonight. How am I supposed to just forget that and move on?"

Wade got up from the bed and moved around towards her. 

"I don't know. I know it will be hard, but I honestly believe that love can fix this. If you just give me the chance to love you. Love you the way I should have been loving you this whole time. I'm sure I can fix it." he said reaching out for her, but Michelle backed away.

"Please don't." she said, shaking her head. 

"You just don't understand Wade. I love you. I really, really love you, but I can't do this anymore. I can't live with this fear in my heart. Fear of never knowing when you're going to lash out. When you're going to lose control again."

"But it wont happen again. I swear. I'll do whatever it takes. I love you, Michelle. I want to make this work. I know I've messed up, but I want to fix it. You just have to believe in me a little bit. You can't walk away from me. Not now."

"Wade, I don't want to give up. I really don't. But I don't see any other way." 

"There has to be another way. There just has to be. I love you. You love me. There has to be a way we can work this out." he pleaded.

"I wish there was, but there isn't. I can't take that chance. Not anymore. I've tried, Wade. I stuck through it. I put up with the beatings. I suffered the pain, both physically and emotionally, and I can't do it anymore. A person can only take so much." she said crying.

"But I told you it's not going to happen again. I swear it wont."

"You can swear all you want, Wade. Am I seriously supposed to believe that. I mean you've apologize to me before about this and then it happened again. Except this time you almost killed me. With your bare hands. How can you expect me to stay knowing that you nearly killed me and that it could very possibly happen again. How?"

"I don't know." he said shamefully. 

He was dying inside. 

It was becoming apparent to him that she was going to leave. 

She was going to walk away and he didn't know what he could say or do to make her change her mind.

"I'm sorry, Wade. I do love you with all my heart and soul and this is really hard on me. I don't want to go. I want to be with you, but I just can't. Not anymore." Michelle said, a tear slipping down her cheek.

Seeing her cry as she told him how much she loved him, but that she could no longer be with him, broke his heart even more. 

He knew she loved him. He could see it in her eyes, but he could also see the fear that lingered there as well. 

He knew she was right. 

He couldn't expect her to stay after everything he had put her through, but he loved her and he didn't want to lose her.

Not being able to stand the tears streaming down her face any longer Wade moved closer to her, gently raising his hand to wipe away her tears. 

He fully expected her to back away from him again, but she didn't. 

Their eyes met as Wade gently wiped away her tears. 

Michelle was fighting an internal battle within herself. She loved him so much, and she could honestly see the love and devotion in his eyes for her, but that simply wasn't enough anymore. 

It wasn't enough because she had seen one too many times how that love and devotion could turn too easily and too quickly into and angry rage. 

A rage that she ended up feeling the brunt of. 

That was the reason she had to end it. She could no longer torture herself in that way. 

It was going to hurt like hell to walk away from him, but it was something that she needed to do. Something that she had to do. 

After what happened earlier today, her life just may depend on it.

"Michelle, please. Just give us one more chance." Wade asked once again, moving a little closer to her. "That's all I ask. Just one more chance. PLEASE?" 

Michelle stood staring into his eyes. God, she hated this. Her heart was telling her one thing, but her mind was telling her something completely different. It was a war that would surely drive her insane if it was left unsettled for too long.

When she didn't respond, but only continued to stare into his eyes, he moved closer. 

He couldn't resist. 

He needed to kiss her. 

He was praying that she would be able to feel his love for her through the kiss. Maybe if he was able to show her how much he loved her, maybe then she would agree to stay.

So he leaned in slowly, watching her closely for a reaction. She didn't seem to fight it at all, or give him any indication that he shouldn't kiss her. So going with that notion, Wade slowly leaned in and kissed her gently on her lips.

He pulled away for a brief moment to gauge her response, before he leaned back in to kiss her again. 

Michelle slowly began to respond to his kiss, as her body was overcome with emotion. 

His lips upon hers were like heaven. 

He was so gentle, so caring.

Then she remembered that he wasn't always so gentle and caring with her. Flashbacks of all the times he had struck her, replaying in her mind.

Unexpectantly, Michelle abruptly pulled away from the embrace. "I can't do this." she said backing away from him.

Wade stared at her. "But..."

Michelle cut him off. "No, Wade. I can't do this. I can't allow my heart and emotions to get the best of me. I've done that too many times before. I have to listen to my gut this time. I have to do what my mind is telling me. I have to leave." she said, looking around the room for her belongings.

Wade panicked. Surely she wasn't going to leave right then. 

"Michelle, you can't leave tonight. It's too late. You need your rest."

"I'm sorry Wade, but I can't be near you right now. If I stay I'm going to get all confused again. I can't do that to myself. I need to go." she said, spotting her bag across the room and starting for it.

Wade gently grasped her arm, as not to hurt her. "Please, just spend the night. I'll sleep downstairs on the sofa, and you can sleep up here. Just stay here tonight, and then you can leave in the morning."

Michelle studied him for a moment. 

Going against her better judgement, she relented. "Ok, I'll stay here if you sleep downstairs. I'm sorry but I just can't share a bed with you."

"That's fine." Wade said, although inside his heart was crumbling. 

He would do whatever it took to get her to stay. Even if it only meant for one more night.

"You'll sleep downstairs?" she asked.

"Yeah, if that's what makes you comfortable I'll sleep downstairs." 

"It would." she said, softly.

Wade nodded and moved across the room to his closet. He went inside grabbing a spare pillow and blanket and then walked back across the room. 

"If you need anything I'll be downstairs." he said as he opened the bedroom door.

"Thank you." Michelle whispered softly.

Again Wade only nodded. Words couldn't express the things he wanted to say to her. So he simply nodded his understanding of her words and then left the room, closing the door behind him.

As he made his way down the stairs, he prayed that by some miracle Michelle would change her mind over night. 

That she would wake up in the morrning and realize she couldn't live without him. 

Although he knew the chances of that happening were slim, he couldn't help but to pray for it anyway.

CHAPTER 47

As Wade walked down the stairs, he could hear the sound of her crying coming from his bedroom and his heart sank. He did this to her. He was the cause of the torment she was going through and there wasn't anything he could do.

Tucking the pillow under his arm, he continued down the stairs and into the livingroom. It wasn't how he had envisioned his last night to be with her before his trip to NY, but after the events that unfolded earlier today, he couldnt say he was surprised. He had done the unthinkable and he hated himself for allowing it to happen. Undoubtedly, there wasn't any question in his mind that she felt the same.

Tossing his stuff down on the sofa, he walked out on the balcony and stared into the clear nightime sky. Despite all the turmoil and chaos that lingered inside, the outside surprisingly offered him comfort and solace. Leaning against the rail, he shut his eyes and tried to remember a time when things were simplier. To a time when love was the only thing that he thought mattered.

He always heard of love at first sight and before her, he thought that no such thing existed. It wasn't until he was introduced to her at her welcoming party that he actually started to think otherwise. 

As he held her close on the dance floor, something inside him told him that this was only the beginning. That the potential for something great was right before his eyes. Looking back, he realized how true that was. They did have something great. Unfortunetly, he never thought that one day there could also be an end. 

Taking a deep breath, he glanced out at the flickering lights from the city and remembered the night he had brought Michelle back to his house. The night he finally decided to tell her how he felt. 

His heart had been racing with anticipation of what her response would be and he never even had to say a word. The second he looked at her, she just knew. There was no mistaking the look in his eyes. He had fallen for her. 

A small smile graced his lips, as he recalled the passionate kiss they shared on that very balcony only moments before he had made love to her for the first time. 

Walking her to his room, he felt like the luckiest guy alive. A virgin was something that most guys talked about and wanted. Being a typical guy, Wade was no exception. He thought he wanted the same thing. That was, until one came along. 

He would have expected his feelings to remain the same....but they didn't. When Michelle confessed to him that she was still a virgin, he instanly felt uneasy. She wasn't just a casual encounter that he could toss aside and dismiss. She had been someone who meant the world to him and even though he questioned her readiness for the experience, she ultimately was the one who would make that decision.

When it finally happened, he felt this connection with her that was unexplainable. It was such an amazing experience that he would be lying if he said he wasn't emotionally touched by it all. It was at that point, that he realized how much he truly loved her. She had given him a gift and he hoped she would never regret it happening. Looking back, he never would have thought that he would be the one who regreted it.

Walking back inside, he pulled the patio doors closed and headed into the livingroom. He just couldn't understand how he could destroy the one person he could envision spending the rest of his life with. How he could do things to her that were now uncomprehendable to him. Letting out a heavy sigh, he tossed his pillow to the end of the sofa and sat down. Leaning back, he placed his arms above his head and rested them on the back of the sofa. 

As if he hadn't been going through enough already, he now had to listen to her cry knowing she didn't want him near her. He had thought of going back upstairs in hopes that she would let him atleast comfort her but, he had to agree to stay downstairs simply to keep her from leaving the house. If he walked back into that room, she would surely pack her things and leave on the spot. That was something he just wasn't ready for. Atleast not yet. 

First thing in the morning, he was going to tell her everything. Atleast then she would have all the information she needed in order to make the right decision....whatever that may be.

Standing back up, he walked over to the sound system and quietly turned it on. If he was going to try to get any sleep, he needed something to drown out the heartbreaking sound of her crying. After scanning the numerous CD's in his collection, he finally found what he was looking for. Opening the case, he placed the CD in the stereo and hit play. In a matter of seconds, the only thing he could hear was Brian McKnight. Grabbing the remote off the top of the entertainment center, he walked back over to the sofa and laid down. Glancing one last time towards the stairs, he placed the remote on the table in front of him and slowly shut his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Wade walked out the door, Michelle could see the heartbroken look on his face and a part of her felt like she was making the wrong decision. She had even thought about stopping him from walking out the door at the last second, but then she saw her reflection in the mirror. Just looking at the marks he placed on her was all she needed to know that she was doing the right thing. 

Once he walked downstairs, she walked over and shut the door. She couldn't believe it had come down to this. She thought that whatever problems they had, that they could work through them. That their love was strong enough to weather through the tough times. Unfortunetly, her life wasn't something she was willing to risk in the process. The second it became aware that was what she was doing by staying, she knew it was time to go.

As she sat on the edge of the bed crying, she heard him start one of his favorite CD's and it broke her heart. He only listened to that CD when he was upset and that only made her start to second guess her decision even more. Was there still a chance for them? Could they somehow find a way to make it through all this and get back on track? She wasn't sure.

Standing up, she walked over to the mirror and looked at herself. Sure she looked the same, but it was as if she was looking at something deeper. Something that was beyond the physcial her. Looking closely, she realized she was a ghost of who she used to be and she looked away.

As she walked back over toward the bed, something caught her eye. Glancing down at it on the floor, she knew what she had to do. Grabbing the bag, she started to throw everything that she had brought with her to Wade's back inside. She needed to leave. She couldn't wait until tomorrow morning. She thought she could, but the longer she stayed, the harder it was going to be to leave.

After one last survey of the room, she grabbed her purse and cell phone and opened the bedroom door. Tossing the bag on her shoulder she slowly walked down the stairs. 

When she reached the bottom, she saw Wade sound asleep on the couch. Wiping the tears that ran down her cheek, she sat her bag down at the bottom of the stairs and walked back to his office.

Grabbing a pen and paper, she proceeded to express everything that she had been thinking over the last week. Explaining the reason for leaving like she was, even though she knew she didn't owe him an explaination. As she continued to wipe the tears from her eyes, she placed the pen back down on the desk and walked into the livingroom. 

Walking around to the front of the sofa, she stood there staring at him for a second before she laid the note down on the table next to him. 

She had never thought that this would be the way she ended things. She had wanted to explain in person how she felt, but given her track record for taking him back, this was the only way she would be able to assure herself that she would move on......without him.

Turning around, she walked back over and grabbed her bag as the next song on the CD started. Spotting her keys on the counter, she was on her way to grab them when the lyrics of the song brought her to a halt. 
 
 

Mmm, mmm
Alright, yeah
Listen

Baby, can you put them bags down
Just wait hold on for a minute
Gotta say a couple things before you go
Even though I know that we're finished

I don't want you to leave without knowin'
Just where I'm comin' from, babe
I just wanna say I made a big mistake
And now I gotta face the fact that I

Shoulda been a better man
The kinda man that you needed
Woulda been better off
If I done right by you

I coulda done this, I coulda done that
But I know I can't go back
'Cause now it's just too late
I'm sayin' shoulda woulda coulda, yeah

I can tell by the look on your face
You ain't tryin' to hear what I'm sayin'
Maybe you done heard all of this before
To her this ain't no game that I'm playin'

This may be the last chance I ever have
To talk to you before you go
So I gotta say I made I big mistake
Girl, you know it's killin' me that I

Shoulda been a better man
The kinda man that you needed
Woulda been better off
If I done right by you

I coulda done this, I coulda done that
But I know I can't go back
'Cause now it's just too late
I'm sayin' shoulda woulda coulda, yeah

(Brian McKnight's 'Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda')

Before she had a chance to look at it as a sign, she quickly grabbed her keys and headed across the livingroom. Unlocking the front door, she quietly pulled it open and turned around. She glanced over at him one last time at him as he slept completely unaware of what was happening and then quietly backed out shutting the door behind her.

CHAPTER 48

When Michelle arrived back at her apartment, she dropped her bag on the floor by the couch and headed upstairs. She didn't even turn on any lights. She just walked up to her bedroom and crawled into bed. She still couldn't believe she had found the strength to leave him, but she had. Now it was simply a matter of putting her life back in order and trying to move on.

She had cried the whole way from Wade's house thinking that she had just made the biggest mistake of her life. She had loved Wade with all her heart and couldn't imagine how she was going to go on living her life without him. As much as she knew she did the right thing, she still couldn't stop the hurt she felt inside knowing that it was over.

Wrapping her arms around her pillow, she cried herself to sleep knowing that when Wade awoke, he would be horrified to find that she was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the sunlight started to pour into the livingroom, Wade placed his arm over his eyes and tried to forget that in a matter of hours, he would be on a flight to NY. At the time he made the change of travel plans, he thought that it was the best thing he could do for the both of them. Now, he thought differently. Now he wanted to stay with her and try to work things out before he left. Unfortunetly, it was too late to change his travel plans back.

Dropping his feet to the floor, he sat up and stretched his arms above his head. To say that it had been a rough night would be an understatement. Although he did manage to get some sleep early on, the remainder of the night was spent tossing and turning. He had been sharing his bed with her for some time now and he wasn't aware that he had actually become accustom to it. Not having her beside him was something he missed.

As he glanced around the room trying to wake up, he noticed that the stereo was still on from last night. Leaning forward, he grabbed the remote from the table and turned it off. As he was placing it back down, he spotted a piece of paper laying at the end of the table. Instantly his heart sank and he feared the worst. Quickly, he stood up and walked to the front window that overlooked the driveway. Just as he had thought.......she was gone.

Rubbing his forehead, he slowly walked back over to the sofa and sat down. He was trying his hardest to keep himself together, but he knew exactly what it was that he was about to read. Picking the paper up, he leaned back against the sofa and began to read the letter.
 
 

Wade,

I know I told you that I would wait until tomorrow morning to leave but I just can't stand to be here any longer. Just being around you is breaking my heart. As much as I know that this needs to end, that doesnt make it any easier to do.

You know, the first time you held me in your arms on the dance floor, I knew I wanted to be with you. There was just that immeatiate connection between us that was undeniable. I just knew at that moment that one day we would be together.

When that day finally came and you told me how you felt,I felt like the luckiest girl alive. I had been searching my whole life for someone like you and I had finally found you.

Sitting here, I cant help but think of how good things used to be. I couldn't stand to be away from you for even a moment. There were times I would lay in bed next to you as you held me and think that I had found the perfect guy. That you were the man of my dreams. Never would I have thought that my dream life would soon turn into a nightmare.

I tried to dismiss the first time you hit me. Telling myself that you were just upset and that it would never happen again, but it didWade. It did happen again, and it continued to happen, each time getting worse. Do you know how much it broke my heart to know that the one person who I had trusted...whom I had loved so much that I gave myself to, could hurt me like that? It tore my heart out and I'm not sure the scar will ever heal. Sure, the physcial abuse will fade in time, but the emotional damage of my broken heart will not. To know I love someone who is uncaple of loving me back the way I deserve is more than I can bear.I have no choice but to try and move on with my life without you. 

I wish we could turn back the hands of time and go back to the beginning. To try and find out what went wrong and when, but that simply isn't an option. We can't go back to the past, we can only look to the future and it hurts me to say it, but my future can no longer include you. 

You will always hold a place in my heart Wade. That will never change. I don't know how I am going to move forward with out you, but I know I have to. I can't stand to live my life this way anymore. Please know that I am going to miss you horribly, but this is the way it has to be. I have to move on. I just hope you will do the same.

Forever in my heart, 

Michelle
 
 

Dropping the letter back on the table, he leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. It felt as if his heart had been ripped out and he was sitting there slowly dying. Every word she said, cutting deeper and deeper into his heart until he finally couldn't feel anything anymore. He was just numb.

Rubbing his hands on his thighs, he stood up and headed upstairs to his bedroom. As he walked down the hall, he was bombarded with split second flashbacks of all their fights. It was, as if he was flipping through a mental photo album of all suffering he forced her to endure over the course of their relationship and he knew he had no one to balme but himself.

Finally reaching his bedroom, he stood in the doorway and scanned the room. He was hoping to find any sign that she would be back, but he didn't. Everything she had brought to his house was gone.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he walked into the room and headed to his closet. Grabbing his clothes, he laid them out on the bed and headed into the bathroom to shower before he had to get ready to catch his flight. 

After about 30 minutes, he walked back into the bedroom and grabbed the phone off the nightstand. He called and left a message for Chantal informing her of what happened and asked her to call his cell when she got the message. After he hung up, he proceeded to call a taxi to take him to the airport.

Once he had finished making a few more calls, he sat the phone back down and got dressed. After fastening the last button on his shirt, he headed over to the dresser to fix his hair. Once he was satisfied with the look, he grabbed his watch and wallet and headed over to the chair to grab his bags.

Throwing them over his shoulder, he walked down the stairs and headed into his office. There were a few things he needed to take with him on his trip and with everything that had happened, he almost forgot to grab them.

Shuffling through the papers scattered on his desk, he finally found the folder he was looking for. Throwing his bag on the desk, he unzipped it and was about to shove the folder inside, when he heard the horn from the taxi in the driveway. Stuffing the folder inside, he zipped the bag closed and headed into the livingroom. After a quick scan of the room, he grabbed his keys and walked out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Michelle awoke, she glanced over at the clock and knew that Wade was already on his way to NY. She had expected him to call when he realized she was gone, but he didn't. Surprised, she picked up the phone and checked for a dial tone. Everything was working fine and he had simply chose not ot call.

She knew deep down that it was a good thing, but at the same time she felt hurt. He was so desperate to have her stay that she didn't understand why he wouldn't even bother to call and tell her goodbye. Was Marty right? Was she simply another notch on his belt? Someone that he could consume completely and then just dismiss without worry? Trying not to think too much about it, she wiped the tears away that formed in her eyes and stood. 

She didn't want to think that the good times they shared were all apart of his plan to get her into bed, but at this point it was the only thing that made sense. If he loved her, he would have atleast make some attempt to fight for the relationship. Atleast that's what she thought. Angry with herself for allowing him to get the best of her yet again, she started to walk down the stairs.

Walking into the kitchen, she started some coffee and headed over to her answering machine to check her messages. As she pressed play, she sat down on the chair next to the sofa and pulled her feet up. When the last of the messages was about to play, she spotted something laying at the corner of the sofa and got up to walk over to it. Crouching down, she grabbed the small folded object and opened it up. Confused, she walked back to the chair and sat down.

"What the hell is Marty's wallet doing here?" she said, as she tried to recall when he had been at her apartment. 

After racking her brain, she determined that something was definetly suspicious and she grabbed the phone to call his house. After a few rings, his answering machine picked up. She wasn't one for leaving messages, but due to the circumstances she was going to leave one anyway.

"Hey Marty, It's Michelle. I need to talk to you and before you get all worried...I'm fine. If you can, could you just please call me when you get this. Thanks."

Hanging up the phone, she walked back into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee. Blowing it off, she headed back over to the sofa to sit down. She wasn't sure how she was going to make it through the day knowing that her and Wade were through, but she didn't have a choice. She had made the decision to leave and she had to stick to it, regardless of how much she still loved him.

CHAPTER 49

Michelle spent most of the day walking around in a daze. Since joining the staff at Millennium, most of her time had been spent with Wade. Now that he wasn't a part of her life, she felt so alone. She needed someone she could turn to. Someone who could help her get through all the pain she felt inside. 

Knowing that if she stayed in the house she would only think about Wade, she headed upstairs to get dressed. She needed to get out of there and clear her mind. She thought she could do this, that she could move on without Wade but it was harder that she thought. She had only put an end to things a few hours ago and she was already falling apart. 

As she walked into her bedroom, her heart sank into her stomach. Placing her hand over her mouth, she stood frozen in place and tried to keep from breaking down. She knew it wasn't possible to go back in time, but this had to be as close as you could get. 

Glancing around the room, she felt as if she was going to be sick. Everywhere she looked, the horrible reminders of the last time she was at her apartment hit her full force. Almost as if in some strange way she was reliving it all. 

Taking a few steps inside the room, she saw the glare from the sunlight as it reflected off the shattered glass on the floor and tears filled her eyes. It was a nightmare. She couldn't believe she had allowed this to happen to her. Wiping her eyes, she spotted the handcuffs still attatched to her footboard and couldn't take it anymore. In a panic, she ran out of the room and straight into Marty. Completely caught by surprise, she began screaming.

"Hey, it's ok. It's me. Marty." he said, as her leaned her back so that she could see that it in fact was him. "Are you alright?"

Still in a state of shock, she stood there unsure of what to say. She didn't remember hearing any knocking and was now starting to question how he got in. 

Pushing herself out of his hold, she stepped back and gave him a questioning look. Almost as if he read her mind, he qucikly responded.

"I was about to knock when I heard you scream. I tried the door and it was unlocked, so I came in. I thought something was going on."

Sighing heavily, she leaned up against the wall. She believed him. She had been so distraught when she left Wade's house that she had just walked straight upstairs, not locking the door. Marty had been nothing but kind to her and she knew she didn't have anything to worry about with him. Although she still had a few unanswered questions concerning his wallet.

"Are you alright? Where's Wade?" he asked, as he walked over to her.

"He's in NY." she said, as she twisted her hands in her shirt trying to get them to stop shaking. She was hoping her home would offer her some comfort away from all the memories that Wade's place held, but that wasn't the case. Everywhere she went, every thought she had reminded her of him and what he had done to her. 

"Come on. You need to sit down." Marty said, as he removed her hands from her shirt and pulled her away from the wall. Wrapping his arm around her shoulder, he guided her down the stairs. Once they reached the livingroom, she sat down on the sofa and he joined her. Almost immeadiately, he spotted his wallet. "There it is." he said, grabbing it from the table in front of them

Questiongly, she turned to look him. "Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. How did it get here?" 

"Wade didn't tell you?" he asked, somewhat caught off guard. He had fully expected Wade to run back and tell her that he was no better. That Marty was so stranger to dishing out a beating, but he hadn't. 

"Tell me what?" she asked, worried by the tone of his statement.

He wasn't quite sure what to say. With everything Wade had put her through, the last thing he wanted was for her to find out that he was capable of something like that. It wasn't typical behavior for him by any means but that didn't make it ok.

"When I was on my way home last night, I saw you car out front, so I stopped. I had no idea that Wade was here. Come to think of it.....why was he here?"

"I had no idea he was until you just said something. He left his house sometime early in the evening and he didn't return until late. I had no......." she was saying, when he quickly cut her off.

"Jesus Christ, what the hell did he do to you?!" Marty asked, as he leaned forward and pulled the collar of her t-shirt away from her neck.

Embarrassed, she stood up and walked into the kitchen. She knew that Marty had to see her as a completely weak person. No one would put up with what Wade had done to her and not have left a long time ago. 

"Hey, what the hell happened?!" Marty asked, as he got up and walked towards her.

"Nothing. I'm fine. I believe you were telling me how your wallet ended up in my apartment." she said matter of factly, trying not to break down in front of him.

"Come here." he said, as he gently took a hold of her wrist and pulled her over to him. "Are those finger marks on your neck!?! Oh my god they are! Michelle what the hell are you doing?! Are you waiting around to see how long it takes for him to kill you?!"

"No." she said, as tears filled her eyes. 
 

"I'm glad I beat the shit out of him. If I had known he did this to you, I wouldn't have stopped. You wait until I see him!" Marty said as he quickly began pacing the room. 

"You fought? Here at my apartment?" she asked, upset.

"Fought?! Yeah....I beat the hell out of him! His drunk ass wasn't so tough last night! You should have seen him. Laying on the floor clutching his ribs. The fuckin dumb ass even kept trying to get back up! How stupid can he be! I made sure though before I left, he was down for good! That mother fucker!"

Horrified, she backed away from him. 

"Oh my god Marty! What's wrong with you!" 

"Oh god. Michelle wait. I'm sorry." Marty said as he tried to walk toward her. He could see the hurt and fear in her eyes. He had been trying to tell her that what Wade was doing was wrong but here he was going on and on about how he had done the same thing to Wade.

"No. Get away from me! Your no better than he is!" she said, walking around the sofa to the front door.

"Michelle, I'm sorry!"

"Get out!" she yelled, as she pulled the front door open. "Now!"

"Michelle please don't compare me to him. You know I'm not like that. I shouldn't have said anything. I said I'm sorry." 

"Yeah....I've heard Wade say the same thing." she said, as tears ran down her cheeks. "Just leave me alone!"

Slowly, Marty walked over to the door. He had no right to refuse to leave if she wanted him gone. As much as he wanted to stay and explain things, he knew now was not the time.

"I'm sorry I upset you. I never meant for that to happen, but if you want to talk......I'm here."

Wiping her eyes, she waited for Marty to walk out and then she shut the door. She couldn't believe how everything had gone from bad to worse...but it had. She was counting on Marty to be there for her. To help her get through the break-up with Wade, but now she couldn't even look at him. She wasn't sure how she was going to keep it together, but it this point, she could only count on herself.

CHAPTER 50

Sitting at the counter eating cereal, Justin couldn't help but laugh at Trace as he walked down the stairs completely hung over.

"Man, did you get the name of the truck that ran your ass down last night?" he chuckled.

"Very funny J. Did ya come up with that all by yourself." he said, as he walked over to the cabinet and grabbed out a bowl. "You know, you should have came with us last night. Some mighty fine honey's there."

"Yeah, well it's a good thing I didn't go. I got an interesting phone call this morning and I have plans. If I would have went with you, I would've looked like.......this." Justin said, waving his hand up and down at Trace. 

"Anyway......these plans. Care to tell me exactly what they are?"

"Well, Wade called this morning and told me that he made arrangements for us to use one of the studios at Millennium. We were susposed to use his studio but for some reason, that's changed. He said that he was heading to NY within the hour and wanted to make sure that I knew what was going on."

Trace looked over at Justin, puzzled. He didn't recall anything that Justin had said referencing to any plans he had for the day. Then it hit him.

"So, would these plans for today have anything to do with the girlfriend Wade left behind? Seeing as how that gives you more time to go ahead with this LAME ASS bullshit plan to pay him back!" Trace stressed.

"Man, you do know me well." Justin said, as he finished off the cereal and placed the bowl in the sink. 

When Wade had called this morning to inform him of the changes, he gave Justin Michelle's number. A very valuable piece of information that he was going to take full advantage of. He wasn't sure exactly how close Wade and Michelle were, so as far as he knew...he had his work cut out for him. A few days wasn't much, but he was going to make the most of it.

Shaking his head, Trace continued to eat his cereal as Justin headed upstairs to get dressed. He knew when Justin made up his mind about something he went through with it, but something about this current mission bothered him. It was just wrong. He didn't know much about the girl, but from what he saw at Justin's party she seemed sweet. Definetly not the type to be used as a method of payback. 

Hearing Justin walk back down the stairs, Trace tossed his bowl in the sink along with Justin's and stared at Justin.

"Man, don't give me that look." he said, as he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and laid it on the counter.

"What look?" Trace asked, as he tried to glance down at the paper to see what was on it.

"You know what look. Just get over it already, it's gonna happen."

Disguisted, Trace got up and walked into the livingroom. He just couldn't understand how Justin could be so non-chalant about playing with someone's feelings like that. 

After he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, Justin turned the piece of paper around so that he could read the phone number on it. Dialing the number, he placed the phone to his ear and smiled at Trace before walking out of the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Marty had left, Michelle broke down. Everyone she trusted had disappointed her. First Wade...now Marty. Being so far away from her family and with Jenna moving to NY, she had no one to turn to. Her world was falling apart and there wasn't anyone to help her through it.

Leaning against the wall, she slowly started to sink to the floor. "God, give me strength. I'm not sure if I can get through this on my own." she said, sobbing.

There she remained, knees to her chest for the next hour. She couldn't find any good reason to get up. That was until the phone rang.

Glancing across the room, she wondered who could be calling her. She knew that Marty would give her enough time to take in everything he said before he would attempt to contact her. Then, there was always the possibility that it could be Wade calling from NY, but unfortunetly she didn't think that was the case. Although a small part of her longed for it to be true. The only other option was that it was Jenna back from her trip. Going with that hope, she pushed herself up and headed over to the phone. Picking it up, she pressed the button and placed it to her ear. 

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Justin. I'm glad I caught you."

Caught off guard, she paused for a moment before speaking.

"Oh, hey Justin. Wade's not here, he went to NY a few days early." she quickly chimed in. 

"Yeah I know. He called me this morning and told me he was leaving town. That's how I got your phone number."

"Oh....you talked to Wade this morning?" she asked, somewhat shocked. 

She had been trying to think of a logical explanation for why he hadn't called when he found out she left. From the moment she woke up, she racked her brain for answers. The only conclusion she had come to was that he was rushed when he got up. Now she knew differently and it hurt. He had found the time to call Justin and not her. Even more reason to believe that she had been nothing more than a conquest.

"Yeah. He called to tell me that he arranged for us to start work on the tour over at Millennium. Any idea why the change of plans? I mean, as long as I have known him, he always preferred his studio." 

As her voice cracked, she knew it would be hard to hide her obviously breaking heart. 

"Ummm....I don't know why the change of plans Justin. To be honest with you, I wasn't aware that they had."

That statement right there told Justin that things must not be as good as he originally thought. She had been working with Wade on the tour since the beginning and for her not to know about the change of plans meant something. He wasn't sure what that something was, but it immeadiately peaked his interest.

"Anyway, the other reason I called was that me and Trace were gonna hit the club scene later on and a few dancers from the tour are meeting us there. I figured you might want to join us. You know, just let loose before all the chaos starts here in a few days. What do you say? You game?"

"I don't think. I'm not really up for it tonight. Maybe another night." she declined, politely.

"Awww come on. It will be fun. Besides, it will give you a chance to meet some of the girls that you'll be working with. I promise to not keep you out too late." 

She really didn't feel like being around anyone at the moment, but at the same time, she knew that she needed to try and move on with her life. She couldn't allow herself to sit around and sulk over the fact that Wade hadn't called her. She was the one who ended it. It was over between them and she needed to move on. 

After a brief pause, she finally made her decision.

"Ok. I'll go, I mean, what could it hurt. Right?" she said, trying her best to sound as if everything was alright.

"That's the right attitude!" he said, cheerfully. We are going to meet up at the White Lotus around 10. Does that sound good to you?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Ok, well I guess I will see you there then. Oh, and if you get there before we do, just tell them your part of my party. They'll show you to VIP."

"Ok. See you there." she said, and then hung up the phone.

Heading back into the livingroom, she vowed to herself that tonight would be the start of her life without Wade. The start of a life without fear and worry. She was going to make a fresh start.

Walking up the stairs, she took comfort in the fact that the worst was behind her and for the first time in days....she smiled.